Life gets busy. Between work, family, personal goals, and just trying to keep up with everything, friendships can sometimes take a backseat. I’ve definitely had moments where I blink, and suddenly it’s been months since I’ve seen a close friend. The guilt creeps in, and I find myself sending the classic “We need to catch up soon!” text, knowing full well that “soon” might not actually happen unless we both make it a priority.

Over the years, I’ve realized that friendships don’t have to fade just because life is full. The strongest friendships aren’t necessarily the ones where you talk every day but the ones where both people put in the effort, whether that’s through small gestures, intentional planning, or just showing up when it counts.

Here’s what I’ve learned about keeping friendships strong, no matter how chaotic life gets.

1. Make Time for Friendships (Even When Life Feels Full)

A few years ago, I noticed that my closest friendships were starting to feel distant, not because we didn’t care, but because we were all caught up in the whirlwind of adult responsibilities. So, instead of waiting for the “perfect time” to hang out (which never actually exists), I started making plans that were easy to commit to.

One of the best things we did? Wednesday Wine Nights. A simple, recurring midweek gathering where we take turns hosting, try new wine, and decompress together. Having it on the calendar meant no back-and-forth texting trying to find a date that worked, we just knew it was happening.

If wine nights aren’t your thing, here are other low-effort but high-connection ideas:

• Monthly brunches – A Sunday morning ritual to catch up over pancakes and coffee.
• Morning walks or hikes – Great for fitness and deep conversations.
• Virtual coffee chats – If distance is an issue, hop on a quick FaceTime.
• Book or movie club – Pick something to discuss each month and use it as an excuse to gather.
• Workout buddy system – Combine fitness with friendship—yoga, pilates, or just a weekly gym session together.

2. Small Gestures Go a Long Way

Not every catch-up has to be a grand event. I’ve found that the tiniest, most spontaneous moments keep friendships alive just as much as the big ones.

Some of my go-to ways to stay connected include:

• Voice messages instead of texts – They feel more personal and are great for long-distance friendships.
• Sending a “thinking of you” text – No need for a long conversation, just letting someone know they’re on your mind makes a difference.
• Tagging a friend in a meme or inside joke – A simple way to remind them of your bond.
• Sending handwritten notes or surprise coffee gift cards – Who doesn’t love unexpected happy mail?
• Random FaceTime calls – I used to hesitate before doing this, but my closest friends appreciate the spontaneity.

3. Be Honest About Wanting to Stay Connected

For a long time, I held back from reaching out first because I didn’t want to seem “needy.” But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that good friendships thrive on honesty. If I’m feeling disconnected, I say it. If I miss someone, I tell them. Almost every time I’ve reached out, my friends have been feeling the same way but just didn’t know how to bring it up.

Some simple ways to express this without overthinking it:

• “Hey, I feel like we haven’t caught up in forever! Let’s fix that soon.”
• “I miss hanging out. Let’s plan something!”
• “I know life’s been crazy, but I just wanted to check in and say I appreciate you.”

It doesn’t have to be deep, just showing that you care goes a long way.

4. Recognize That Friendship is a Two-Way Street

As much as I value making an effort, I’ve also learned that friendship has to be mutual. I used to exhaust myself trying to keep certain friendships alive, only to realize that I was the only one putting in the work. Now, I invest my time in the friendships that feel balanced, where both of us reach out, make plans, and genuinely want to stay in each other’s lives.

Red flags in one-sided friendships:

• You’re always the one reaching out first.
• They only contact you when they need something.
• You leave interactions feeling drained rather than fulfilled.
• They never make an effort to see you or check in.

Signs of a strong, lifelong friendship:

• Even if time passes, you pick up right where you left off.
• You both put in effort to stay connected.
• They celebrate your wins and support you in tough times.
• They respect your time and reciprocate kindness.

5. Show Up When It Matters Most

At the end of the day, friendships aren’t about constant communication, they’re about being there when it counts. When a friend is going through something tough or celebrating a big milestone, those are the moments that matter.

I’ll never forget when I had a rough patch a few years ago, and one of my best friends just showed up at my doorstep with takeout and zero expectations. She didn’t try to fix anything, she was just there. That kind of presence means everything.

Ways to show up for your friends:

• Celebrate their birthdays, promotions, or big life moments.
• Check in during hard times, even if it’s just a simple, “I’m here if you need me.”
• Offer help when they’re overwhelmed, whether that’s running an errand for them or just being a listening ear.

Friendship Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated

The older I get, the more I realize that friendships don’t require huge efforts, just consistent, small moments of connection. Whether it’s a monthly brunch, a spontaneous text, or just making sure to be there for the big things, true friendships last when both people are willing to nurture them.

So, here’s my challenge to you: Text a friend today. Reach out, plan something, or just let them know you appreciate them. Because in the end, friendships are some of the most valuable relationships we’ll ever have.

What’s your favorite way to stay connected with friends? I’d love to hear in the comments!