There was a time in my life when I thought friendship was a numbers game. I wanted to be the person who always had plans, who knew everyone at the party, who never ran out of people to text. My social calendar was packed, my group chats were constantly buzzing, and yet, I often felt lonely.

It wasn’t until I started prioritizing deep, authentic connections over sheer quantity that I realized the true power of friendship. Having a handful of close friends who truly understand and support me has been far more fulfilling than having a large circle of acquaintances. Here’s why.

The Shift from Quantity to Quality

I remember a phase in my early 20s when I felt the pressure to say “yes” to everything, happy hours, group trips, networking events, birthday parties for people I barely knew. I thought being busy with friends meant I had a solid support system. But I noticed something: after these large gatherings, I often felt drained instead of fulfilled. Conversations felt surface-level, and I wasn’t really sharing much of myself.

Then, life got busier. Work became more demanding, relationships required more of my emotional energy, and suddenly, I had to be intentional about where I spent my time. That’s when I started focusing on the friendships that truly mattered, the ones where I could show up as myself, without filters or pretense.

The Benefits of Having a Few Close Friends

When I started prioritizing depth over breadth in my friendships, everything changed. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Authenticity Over Performance

With close friends, there’s no need to perform. You don’t have to keep up appearances, filter your emotions, or pretend everything is fine when it’s not. My closest friends have seen me at my best, celebrating wins over a glass of wine, and at my worst, crying over uncertainty and self-doubt. And they love me in both states.

I realized that in larger social circles, I often felt pressure to be the “fun” version of myself. But with a few close friends, I could be the real version of myself, and that was enough.

2. Deeper Conversations, Deeper Connection

Large groups are great for lighthearted fun, but it’s in the quiet, one-on-one moments that true friendships deepen. Some of the best conversations I’ve had weren’t in big, lively settings, they were on long car rides, over late-night phone calls, or during casual coffee dates where we could talk about real things: dreams, fears, personal struggles, and everything in between.

A few years ago, I started a tradition with my closest friend: a monthly coffee date where we set aside time just for each other, no matter how busy life got. Those conversations became an anchor, a reminder that even in the chaos of everyday life, deep connection was always within reach.

3. Consistency Over Convenience

With a big friend group, it’s easy to have friendships that are based on convenience, seeing each other when it happens to work out. But close friendships are built on consistency. These are the people who check in, who remember the little details, who show up when it matters most.

I learned this lesson the hard way when I went through a particularly tough time. I had plenty of people who liked my Instagram posts, but only a handful who actually called to see how I was doing. That was the moment I realized, having three friends who truly show up is more valuable than having thirty who only show up when it’s fun.

4. Trust and Emotional Safety

There’s a different level of trust that comes with close friendships. It’s the ability to be vulnerable without fear of judgment. It’s knowing that if I share something deeply personal, it won’t be gossiped about or brushed aside.

One of my dearest friends has been in my life for over a decade. We’ve seen each other grow, struggle, make mistakes, and evolve. That kind of history builds a safety net of trust that can’t be replicated in casual friendships.

5. Less Drama, More Peace

Let’s be real, the larger the friend group, the higher the likelihood of misunderstandings, cliques, and drama. With a few close friends, there’s less noise and more genuine support. Instead of navigating social politics, I can focus on friendships that bring me joy, peace, and emotional nourishment.

How to Cultivate Deep Friendships

If you’re realizing that you want to shift toward quality over quantity in your friendships, here are a few ways to nurture those deeper connections:

• Be intentional – Schedule recurring hangouts like a monthly brunch or a Wednesday wine night to stay connected.
• Prioritize one-on-one time – Deep conversations happen when you’re not in a group setting. Make time for meaningful catch-ups.
• Show up consistently – Check in, remember important details, and be there for the big and small moments.
• Be vulnerable – Open up and let people see the real you. Deep friendships are built on authenticity.
• Let go of draining relationships – If a friendship feels one-sided or superficial, it’s okay to step back and focus on those that truly matter.

Over the years, I’ve learned that friendship isn’t about how many people you know, it’s about how deeply you know the people in your life. A few close friends who truly see you, support you, and love you unconditionally are worth more than a hundred acquaintances.

So, if you have those friends, the ones who stick around through every season of life, cherish them. Send them a text. Plan that coffee date. Let them know how much they mean to you. Because at the end of the day, it’s those relationships that truly enrich our lives.

What are some ways you nurture your closest friendships? Let’s talk in the comments!