When we’re kids, making friends feels effortless. You sit next to someone in class, share a snack, or bond over a favorite TV show, and suddenly, you’re best friends. As adults, though, forming new friendships can feel a lot more complicated. We have careers, responsibilities, and routines that don’t always leave room for spontaneous connections. But just because it’s harder doesn’t mean it’s impossible. In fact, some of the most meaningful friendships in my life have come from making an intentional effort to connect with others as an adult.

Why Making Friends as an Adult is So Hard

I remember moving to San Francisco and realizing that, aside from a few coworkers, I didn’t really have “my people” in the city. Back in the Midwest, I had childhood friends I had known for years, and the thought of trying to build that kind of connection from scratch felt overwhelming.

The truth is, adulthood presents unique challenges when it comes to forming friendships:

• Busy Schedules: Between work, family, and personal obligations, finding time to nurture friendships can be tough.
• Fewer Natural Opportunities: Unlike school or college, where you’re constantly meeting people in shared spaces, adulthood requires more effort to seek out new connections.
• Fear of Rejection: It can feel vulnerable to put yourself out there and risk someone not reciprocating your effort.
• Existing Social Circles: Many people already have established friend groups, making it feel like there’s no room for new connections.

But despite these challenges, I’ve learned that making friends as an adult is possible, you just have to be open and intentional about it.

How I Started Finding My People

When I first realized I wanted to expand my circle, I had no idea where to start. I was past the age of making friends at school, and I didn’t want all my friendships to be purely work-related. So, I started experimenting with different ways to meet new people. Here are some of the strategies that actually worked for me:

1. Saying Yes to Invitations

I used to be guilty of declining invitations out of laziness or social anxiety. But I realized that every time I said no, I was closing the door on a potential new connection. So, I made a rule for myself: if I got invited somewhere and didn’t have a solid reason to decline, I’d go.

One time, a casual acquaintance invited me to a group hike at Lands End. I didn’t know most of the people going, but I pushed myself to show up. That day, I met two women who I instantly clicked with. We bonded over our love for fitness and travel, and years later, they’re still some of my closest friends.

2. Seeking Out Like-Minded Communities

If you want to find friends who share your interests, you have to go where those people are. For me, that meant joining a local fitness class and attending community events.

I signed up for a Saturday morning yoga class in Golden Gate Park, and over time, I started recognizing familiar faces. Eventually, I struck up conversations with a few people after class, and before I knew it, we were meeting for post-yoga brunches. Now, it’s a little weekend ritual that I look forward to.

Other great places to meet people with shared interests:

• Book clubs (great for deep conversations)
• Volunteering (instant bonding over a shared cause)
• Meetup groups (everything from hiking to entrepreneurship)
• Local networking events (especially helpful if you’ve just moved to a new city)

3. Hosting My Own Gatherings

Instead of waiting to be invited, I started creating my own social opportunities. One of the best things I did was start Wednesday Wine Nights with a mix of old and new friends. It was a casual, no-pressure way for people to connect, and over time, it became a tradition.

Hosting doesn’t have to be complicated, some other ideas include:

• A monthly brunch club where everyone rotates hosting
• A game night with low-key board games and snacks
• A coffee meet-up with a few coworkers or neighbors

The key is consistency. The more regular the event, the easier it is for friendships to develop naturally.

4. Reconnecting with Old Friends

Sometimes, new friendships can come from rekindling old ones. I reached out to a former college friend who had also moved to San Francisco, and we picked up right where we left off. Now, she’s one of my go-to people in the city.

If there’s someone you haven’t talked to in a while but still think about, send a message! A simple “Hey, I was thinking about you the other day! How have you been?” can open the door to reconnecting.

5. Being Open and Vulnerable

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that deep friendships require vulnerability. It’s not enough to just hang out with people, you have to let them see the real you.

I used to be hesitant about opening up, afraid of being judged. But when I finally let down my walls and shared my struggles, dreams, and insecurities, I found that others did the same. Those are the moments that turn acquaintances into lifelong friends.

The Benefits of Strong Friendships

Since making an effort to expand my social circle, my life has changed in ways I never expected. Meaningful friendships have given me:

• Emotional Support: Friends who genuinely listen and uplift me during tough times.
• Accountability: People who encourage me to be the best version of myself.
• Shared Experiences: Adventures, inside jokes, and moments that make life richer.
• Stress Relief: A strong support system reduces anxiety and boosts overall happiness.

Friendships Take Effort, But They’re Worth It

Making new friends as an adult isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most rewarding things you can do. It requires stepping outside your comfort zone, making an effort, and being open to connection.

If you’re feeling lonely or disconnected, I encourage you to take one small step today—whether it’s reaching out to an old friend, joining a new group, or simply saying yes to an invitation. You never know where it might lead.

Have you made new friends as an adult? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments!